Disoriented

Why is it that others don't appreciate what they have?
If I were in the same situation as them, things would be different
It's like I know how to live their lives better than they do
They don't understand what they have...

These thoughts would circulate throughout my brain during the early years of middle school
I envied those who could get anything that they wanted, without effort
In fact, those things came to them
People offered up to them without their asking
It killed my self esteem
Why?
Because the only direction I had in life relied upon others
I lacked consciousness of what I actually did for myself
Not having what I wanted from others killed me
My mind was enslaved on what others thought
I had no will for myself
I relied on others to provide what I thought was "happiness"
I had once known the feeling; before
But came to forget the meaning

Existence is found all around us, yet living is rare.

I existed, and I lived, but for others
I was desperate for reputation among the royalty
Blinded by the thoughts of others I was choked
of love
friendship
common sense
and personality
Metamorphosis

Eventually, a seed was planted without intention or awareness
It wasn't even directed toward me at all
Although the effect distorted my perspective
nothing had changed:
  I still had no sense of direction
  I was still dependent
  I still lacked true happiness
But without my knowing, the journey of self reliance and independence had just begun.