Camp Rewind

Thursday June 26th, 2014
"Today, up in the mountains in Beaver, I traveled back in time a year almost exactly. Between the aspens and the evergreens and the white skies, I returned back in time of my trip to South Dakota. I resumed back in time of driving through the wisp forest listening to Explosions in the Sky's "Take Care, Take Care, Take Care." I resumed back to a time when Bailey Bezzant was a blog with words, and not a face with a voice. I resumed to a time when believing in God was a habit, and living without one was something I hadn't done. Woe unto me because of my powerless wish to resume to that time.
 I feel no different than when I was in South Dakota right now, but the fear of returning home will remind me of everything I did wrong in the past year, because after all, my house is not my home. I don't think I've discovered a home, but the closest thing to it is the white, wisp forest, nostalgia. When I come "home" I hope others will see how I've changed. I hope that I will keep the spirit of South Dakota alive, and right now Beaver is a tangible thing that serves as a wonderful proxy. But I know all too well how easily things like these turn into memories, and then into memories of memories. I lost recognition of myself, and never gained it back. The only place I could turn was into the past."

Anniversary

It's been a year since my first post on this blog.
It's fascinating to think about how things were back then and how far I've come.
It's impossible to remember all of the experiences, but they all amounted to something today.

An excerpt from my first post "Disoriented"

Eventually, a seed was planted without intention or awareness
It wasn't even directed toward me at all
Although the effect distorted my perspective
nothing had changed:
 I still had no sense of direction
 I was still dependent
 I still lacked true happiness
But without my knowing, the journey of self reliance and independence had just begun.

I never could have guessed how right I would be.
It's been an adventure.