Nyctophilia

Most if not all of the things I've posted on here are just me ranting/complaining almost
so maybe I'll change that
and yeah I am posting on here, and I don't know why I am

I'm struggling with an addiction
not one that I had acknowledged until recently
but it's one that is definitely something I need to stop
I spend too much time on the internet (yet here I am on blogger)
I would get "social experiences" from social media and the such
and it's been hazardous to my mental state
but basically, with any addiction, it's a very selfish thing
and what I've come to realize is that you're being selfish to yourself and your dreams
and I needed to stop, and so I'm stopping
I haven't recorded anything for maybe 3 weeks, not a single thing
it's terrible
but I'm glad I realized it now instead of later

Anywho here are some things I have going for me
- I've started to give up my time on the internet
- I hung out with zac, will and tyler and discovered some people I want to hang out with for time to come
- I get my braces off a week before christmas
- I'm less depressed
- I feel like I'll be able to read all the things I need to for american studies

Last friday before I hung out with will and them, I went for a walk in the park with some tunes (maserati to be exact) and I just set off walking, just to go and do something instead of staying in my room, I just walked and listened. I would stop and look at parts of the creek and look at how interesting it was, and I had my over-the-ear headphones on so I couldn't hear anything around me, but after about a minute one stop I turned around a saw a group of girls my age that were videotaping me on their phones and laughing, I walked up out and onto the path and towards them (because that was the way I was going) and I just wondered why. I awkwardly walked past them and continued on my aimless pursuit, still ready to accomplish something. I got to the sunset park and walked around the edge and noticed a sort of hidden area that was on a steep hill. I peeked into it and saw below a secluded area of the creek where there was an island like thing in the middle and such, I also noticed a large styrofoam cup right down there in the way. I just wanted to be selfless, because I knew that doing so would help with my addiction, plus I was just sad that such a pretty area could be littered so badly. I made my way down the steep hill to find even more garbage and started to collect it into a pile. I continually found more garbage, and the best part is, I even found an garbage bag that hadn't even been unfolded and was on top of the soil right there. How on earth could that be a coincidence. I was determined to clean this place up, even though I took several spills on the steep and wet terrain. After about 20 minutes at that spot, and with 3/4 of a garbage bag full of trash I started to make my way back home. Long story short, I saw more trash in the heritage park right by cedar ridge and spent the next hour or so picking up trash using trash to hold it, such as ziplock bags. Overall I was able to finish 2 maserati albums so about 1.5-2 hours just picking up trash on a friday afternoon. It was a beautiful day, with the overcast clouds making everything twilit. I left with my hands muddy and dirty from litter but I was happy. So happy. That day ended up being one of the greatest days, with will and them coming over and having an awesome time just talking and chilling with music and playing pool and the conversation never died and I could tell them anything. It was great.