Northbound

Well
I've had a major paradigm shift
and it was all thanks to writing this talk for church
I know how corny that sounds but it's incredible how I feel right now
Also we had an amazing lesson on gratitude today
I have laid out a fresh canvas to start again
Hopefully I can continue to focus on it

The past few days have been bad for me
I had just felt really down on myself
but it wasn't until I had un utterly nostalgic feeling
my little sisters were watching Home Alone
and the happy soundtrack came on
and I felt the way I did when I watched it as a kid
it felt amazing
then I realized I want to change my life
back to the innocence
to the innocence of watching the Polar Express
recently after finding out Santa Claus wan't real
and having to mix the reality of it with the absolute desire to believe

Innocent, not naive
my friends don't seem all that bad now
because it's easier for me to focus on what I have now
because I have a fresh mindset
and don't worry about what I don't have
"fix what you can" Elder Holland said in the last GC
and that was the talk I spoke on today
but yeah I'll just copy and paste it down here so you can read it if you want
and I'm not going to stand here and say I did this on my own because I didn't
God had helped me change my heart, and continues to do so.

Hi everyone my name is Ashton Young, and this week I was asked to give my thoughts on my favorite talk from this recent general conference. There were many things to pull out of each talk, but to me, Jeffrey R. Holland’s “Like a Broken Vessel” talk stood out most to me.

In the talk he opens up by directly stating “...I wish to speak to those who suffer from some form of mental illness or emotional disorder, whether those afflictions be slight or severe, of brief duration or persistent over a lifetime.” I personally don’t have any connection with extreme mental disorders whether it be in myself or others, but I found this to be particularly interesting because I’ve never heard the Church’s standpoint on these types of things.

He then says “In striving for some peace and understanding in these difficult matters, it is crucial to remember that we are living—and chose to live—in a fallen world where for divine purposes our pursuit of godliness will be tested and tried again and again.”Of greatest assurance in God’s plan is that a Savior was promised, who through our faith in Him would lift us triumphantly over those tests and trials.” There are some important keywords in that statement that I find to be interesting, such as  “fallen world”. It is another reminder that the world’s way of living is not the way God intends us to live. Sometimes we find ourselves making exceptions for “the small things” of the Gospel and convince ourselves that we are above the law. Eventually, you will find that you have succumbed to the standards of this fallen world and cannot see the Lord’s hand in your life. Luckily, through the atonement we can repent and change our hearts. Another important phrase in the statement promises that by putting our trust in the Savior, “He will lift us triumphantly over our tests in trials.” Having our family and friends help us through trials alone might help us get through the trials, whether we are standing strong or stumbling through to the end, but trusting in the Savior, we are promised to overcome the trials triumphantly.

He then starts to address depression, and some examples of how it can creep up on us. With power, he says, “I once terrifyingly saw it in myself.” For me, this was the most powerful and humbling part of his talk, and possibly throughout the entire conference. It is a very important to understand that General Authorities and Prophets of God are people who live with consciousness and temptation, just like you and I do. At times, we see people that seem to have everything going their way, and wonder why our lives can’t be as problem-free as theirs, but the truth is everybody has trials. It’s something that we understood when we decided to come to Earth, and is crucial for us to understand now. Knowing this will keep us humble and empathetic towards others, and overall we can take comfort knowing that we can endure.

Whatever it is that you are suffering through, or going to be suffering through, remember this, “Above all, never lose faith in your Father in Heaven, who loves you more than you can comprehend. “That love never changes, it is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve [it]. It is simply always there. Never, ever doubt that, and never harden your heart. Believe in miracles.”

Before General Conference I had been going through some trials, and knew that I would be able to change my ways, but I didn’t think that I was able to change my heart. I testify to you today, that through The Atonement, God will help you see what you truly want, as long as you are willing to put some work into it. (Bear testimony about seeing God’s hand in life and god’s love)


As hypocritical as it sounds since I posted about depression about a week ago, that was just me having to admit that it's been going on for a while, and I wouldn't say it's over yet, but I had to admit it and understand it for myself to allow me to move forward in dealing with it.

EDIT: (9/15/14) Although I don't agree with this now, I still think it's important to leave it here. Serves as a bone in the past.