WANTED

Just thinking about it
and the world is full of endless want
except for one thing

Think about it it
everybody wants something
except

nobody wants to want  (italisized for a dramatic touch)
..except that is a want in itself

*PARADOX FIND*

"Brooohhhhhh. Dat's reeeel deep broooohhhh."

just stare at the word for a minute
such an ugly word
"WAHHNNT"

3 Posts in one hour
Please hold the applause
I guess I'll go to bed
I just have so much on my mind right now
and so I just write down what comes to my mind on this blog

Blog: so....you're just using me?
Me: nah. just until I find somebody who catches my deep vibes brahhh
Blog: alright where are you trying to go with this..?
Me: I donnnn't even kno brahhhh

I'll just shut up now

Divide

We were watching fireworks the other night
and my friend got his phone stolen from his friends
-Why do people even do that anyway-
and they started looking through
his stuff
they stumbled upon his notes
which we all found out he had written plenty of stuff in there
like the same stuff I was writing right now
and I watched the way the treated it
they didn't really get to read any of it
because he didn't want them to see it
not that it was private
but because it was something they wouldn't understand
I was horrified
they almost stumbled upon my blog the other day
because I have it on my bookmarks bar
for the sake of this blog and my thoughts
I won't show anybody this

It was just another reminder that
they are fun to be around
but it won't last
the group will split
and everybody knows it
we are polar opposites in certain aspects
the important aspects to me
and it's not a bad thing we drift away
it's change
change for the better
for a new beginning
but I can't leave....yet
I don't have anybody else
anybody else I would rather be around
Well actually that is a lie
there are others
but the feeling for them isn't mutual

I am chasing after something that isn't there
Yet it is a chase
there is still challenge
but only disappointment

Recovery Discovery

So I just found one of the old audacity files of a song that I recorded two years ago
it was multiple tracks
but I didn't have access to the individual tracks
I forgot how to play it for these past years

So I heated up the tubes in the amp
and started jamming and it sounded
so perfect
so nostalgic
it brought back so many of the feelings that were felt when writing it
It almost brought me to tears because of the lost song, now found with new meaning and everything

So yeah here is me taking 30 minutes out of my life just to get this 16 second riff on here
yeah
I love you too

I love the music in itself and have great personal meaning in it
but I just want somebody
to share it with
to get all of the meaning with
somebody to relate to
to interpret for themselves
to give me feedback (no pun intended)
to see people receive inspiration
not necessarily because of my music directly
but maybe it reminds them of something they went through
some way that they felt
some path they decided to take
a friend who was once friendly
old memories of childhood
meaningless
yet powerful

That's just all I want (that's a lie)
but it is my priority

somebody step up

Pathetic

I was just thinking about it
and my life is completely pathetic
the reason I got to where I am now
is because of some guy at school
who just showed me a music video
that's where it all started

Then after that it was because of a certain website (Pandora)
that helped me find more music based on that music video
then after that there were was a certain band that kind of
changed the way I looked at things
then I made a station from them
and started changing my life

So basically if that band had never formed
or I hadn't been listening to Pandora at the time
or Pandora had never been invented
or that song hadn't showed up on that station
or I had never looked up the original music video
or I had never met the guy at school before
or I had been gone at school that day....

I wouldn't be a real person.
Kind of goes to show that everything happens for a reason

Untrue

So I am going to lagoon tomorrow
with all of my good friends
I'm excited about it and everything
but one thing bothers me
I can't relate to them
I mean I can interact just fine
just nobody is how I am
I just enjoy talking to people
some people say I just like
having "heart to hearts" with others
but in reality
I hate that term
If you can't be yourself
with others around
why be yourself during a "heart to heart"
It just blows my mind
but then again
everybody was like that
they just don't know what it feels like
to actually be yourself around others
but then again...
I try to be myself around them
but nobody appreciates it
so I can't think the same

This sounds really hypocritical
but it works out in my head
I'm just not that great at expressing myself through text
oh well
I'm tired
I'll probably rant about it another day
goodnight

Storyteller

The storyteller
tells all kinds of stories
ask him anything; he knows it

I listen to the storyteller
embrace the flow of words
spilling out like a brook
of thought
adventure
romance
tranquility
vengeance

I bring my friends to the storyteller
to learn on their own
the deep emotion
only he can express
clearly and free

To my dismay
my friends tell me
there is nothing special
he tells the same story
that everybody else does
there is no difference
from any other story
no feelings felt
no emotions discovered
nothing special

I tell them they are wrong
if you just gave him a chance
and stopped listening with your ears
but with your heart
your spirit
your subconscious
there is something more
more than something
that he shares

but no....

Then I realize
this is my storyteller
he speaks to me
and to many others
but not my friends
I can't find them a storyteller
they want to listen to
it's not my decision
they have to find their own storyteller
one that speaks to them
to their hearts
and for their sake
I hope they find him

Find your storyteller

Float

Listen to "float bridges" - Working For A Nuclear Free City while reading this
take your time
please
and try to relate
if you don't understand it please re-read it


Stranded on
the ocean spit
all by myself
talk to myself
nobody else

I feel alone
it's no surprise
I joke with myself
understand myself
nobody else

Surrounded by fish
all the same colour
opaque and bland
unique is banned
everybody else

A bottle adrift
I skew its course
unscrew the cork
glimpse of hope
there's someone else

Unnamed emotions
finally I'm free
no where else
I'd rather be
with someone else

I fall asleep
light, dazed
stars comfort me
is this life?
with someone else

I awaken from
a deep dream
the bottle gone
I lost my grip
somebody else

Mistaken by
something true
bottles will come
and leave you, too
to float
all by yourself
nobody else

Abandoned on
the ocean spit
all by myself
talk to myself
nobody else

- A.P.Young