The End

"And then he greeted Death as an old friend, and went with him gladly, and, as equals, they departed this life."

I hope that when my time comes, I can look death in the face and say without hesitating "I've gotten what I could ever want out of this life" and walk with him without having regret in this world.

To Bailey

So I the last thing I knew of that you wrote until today was the "life is sweet like cinnamon" one

apparently blogger decided to make me unfollow you unknowingly

until today I was going to reread some of your posts

and then I had realized what had happened

so yeah

Also I'm going to be 100% honest and revealing my "bones" so please be understanding and if you are not Bailey, feel free to read but half of this won't make sense to you.

Anyway

I'll update you on a little bit

A lotta bit I mean

First things first, ever since the whole birthday incident

I thought that you just wanted to be done with me

Like I felt like you were ignoring me and maybe you were

but to sum it up, I had believed, and it took some time but I had convinced myself I was just beating a dead horse so to speak

Also I really just want to get this cleared up

throughout the summer we would text and post blog posts and stuff

but we never really saw each other face to face

and there's nothing really too wrong with that

but it was basically like living in a long distance relationship when you were just down the street a little ways

and I was thinking we had so much in common and all that

and I really just wanted to have a good friend to talk to during school and stuff

I was thinking of times we could get together and stuff

and I really could only think of 2 since I was gone half the time during the summer and they were

1. Your Birthday

2. My Birthday party (I never even had one, I didn't know what I wanted to do :P)

and I'm just getting so sidetracked kind of but real quick context

last year for your birthday when you refused to let me give you a present I thought it was the old "aww really you don't have to" and I just wanted to be "the awesome guy who gives you presents on your birthday without you having a party" and so I did it anyway and left and everything. But this year I wanted to do it to sincerely thank you for "introducing me to be me" I imagined I would knock and hand you a Justin's Organic Peanut Butter Cup and a handwritten letter and then we would just say hi and stuff and then sit down on your front porch steps just talking about everything that's been going on and then our relationship would be stronger and we would basically just talk during school and stuff and just be really good friends.

But after I screwed that all up, I had felt like you wanted nothing to do with me and so when school started and I would randomly see you in the hallway I just felt bad. I don't know what specifically but it was something close to intimidated. I felt like I wanted to talk to you but you didn't want to even come near me.

One thing that I'm still not sure about is if some things you wrote are about me...like "tfum" because I think that was maybe a response to me, but I never even got it thanks to blogger. Also since when do you take American Studies...???? We should start a study group for the friday tests with William Bradshaw, you, me and anyone else and then after wards just listen to beirut and hangout or something the hip kids do these days. And that class is easily my favorite, Mr Birrell is hilarious and we talk about interesting things like the Scarlet Letter (which I'm still probably going to write about on here) and it's great. Oh yeah and we read the Great Gatsby later in the year which I still no nothing about but I know you love it so that's kewl.

I would like to talk to you about more of this at school! Have a good Sunday. That is if you really hold up on your word about checking up on this every single day...because it means a lot to me that you read this at all. I thought you stopped reading it altogether. Even if you don't it's totally fine.)

-Ashton

Cliffed Sanctuaries

Haven't posted in a while and I haven't felt obligated to but there is another experience I hope to share. Also a couple things to clarify.

For the next few songs I want to you to listen to them and preferrably in a dark place as strange as that sounds, but it's easier to achieve music-dream-sleep that way, and it fits with the mood. And then honestly just let your imagination go as if you were falling asleep and let the song guide your feelings, cause that's what will happen most of the time.

I'm not telling you how to listen to music cause obviously everybody is different and music shouldn't be something that you are SUPPOSED to do a certain way. I'm just wanting to you TRY out something specific that is personal to me and so that we can have similar experiences because mine are something that hits home.

Anyway enough blabber and here

Ulrich Schnauss "Monday - Paracetamol"

Trentemoller "Take me into your skin"

also some context for the songs
they are two songs that came up on pandora very soon after discovering "indie" music
and they took me into a very clear state of thinking and it released the chains of my current thinking (at the time) and it made my imagination run wild and the places the subconscious took me are something beautiful, but not always nice. You'll get what I mean after listening.

and honestly these just might be any old songs to you and that's JUST FINE. Like honestly sometimes I reread what I wrote and it sounds like "If you don't get anything out of it, you need to get on my level" and that's not what I want at all. So yeah. I'm just going to push Publish and start to get back into my cut-out schedule-life with homework, jobs and almost no social interaction.

The Hidden Expanse

The reason I changed the URL is because the other one was meant to be temporary, plus it was pretty cheesy
Why the hidden expanse?
Because throughout my whole life I distinctively remember wanting to have this secret compartment, in the dense space of my closet, that would open up a little crawlspace type thing, that would eventually lead to a room where nobody knew of it's existence except for me. When I was a little kid it was mostly meant for just being able to play video games and goof off and do whatever I wanted to without being bothered or needed.
Now I wish I had it just so I could COMPLETELY cut off my influence with the rest of the world, but then again my whole entity is based off of society and education and I know my family would soon find out I was gone and that would bring worry. So there are a few flaws with the physical representation of that, but the important thing is now I realize this places acts like that, but in a mental form. I can't literally escape from my life for example right now I can hear my brothers and sisters arguing and screaming and that's not ideal.
Anywho the important thing is that even though there are other people reading this blog, it's still my place of escape, because I feel almost no pressure putting whatever I feel on here. I can escape the bondage of certain people's influence. Although this isn't exactly what I want, it's very useful.
Honestly if I could have a place to go it would either be the room, or an area where I can climb up some tall lanky but sturdy trees, maybe up 200 feet off the ground. In my mind, I imagine myself sitting there in a hammock tied between the two trunks with branches that extend only upward, and the hammock itself being about twice the size of a normal hammock, and it's one that sinks in so that the outer "walls" of the hammock engulf you and there is this thick mist/fog about 20 feet below that acts as a veil and silences everything below it so all you are seeing is the tops of trees that extend seemingly forever into the sky, they even start to get a little bit of a curvature with the world making them seem surreal. You realize how awesome (literally) this place is and you want to share it with people. Then you realize that there are other hammocks connected to the tree in front of your feet, surrounding it and making a circle and we are all up their reading our books, and sharing what we learn from them and it's not exactly silent, but there is a sound emanating from the expanse, something almost inaudible, but it's one of those sounds that just adds so much comfort, better than silence and not distracting in any way. Probably the closest I can guess is something just close to nature sounds occurring. You can read on your own or just talk together, and the whole time you are just suspended and wrapped around in your own hammock and honestly, I hope that one day this can lead to that. I don't know what that place is in my life, but I seek it out in somebody else, I search for the person who can grant it to me. A person who can let me be myself in the purest form.
That's why I changed it.

Vocals hooray

Keeping you updated with my music, and I used Window Live Movie Maker this time to make it easier.
But yeah here is a sample tune with backup vocals and guitar
I don't really have anything I want to say for lead vocal so that's why there aren't any.
If you could leave a response or some feedback or something that would be cool
and if you could also do it in the future for my songs that would be great as well
Thanks for listening to me
not just musically

Flow

Hey
This is for Bonesss
I don't think I've ever mentioned it
but I've always really really really loved your work
everything you say just rolls off the tongue and it just
sounds sweet and makes me think of people who do that for
a living. I mean whenever I start to write something, I will sometimes take
a look at your work just to give me some ideas, and basically you have the kind of humor
and writing style that I have always strived for. So thank you for doing that and keep it up :P

Also Em
You have a different style from Bonness
and I love it just as much
really it's probably just the analogy's and the phrases that I think
"well even though it doesn't make sense to me right now, it sounds as cool as heck"
like for example your blog title
first time I saw that I was just blown away
but yeah
I could write a lot more about you guysszz but I'm still pretty tired/frustrated after working to get my music up on this bloggg.

Once again though. Thanks for bringing some temporary happiness in my life and please continue to write

-Ashton

LDC

Finally got my large diaphragm condenser and can record with a lot higher quality
been mostly experimenting with it and haven't produced anything official or completed with it yet
but if you are wanting to keep up with what I've been recording lately here you go:

Also by the way none of it is on SoundCloud because you only have 2 hours of material to put on there and so I want to put the best of the best on there only.

Since I'm such a noob at iMovie I could barely figure out how to make the music into a simple movie, like I had no interest in the visuals at all and so it gave me what you are about to see. The reason I did this is cause you can upload videos to blogger, but not straight up audio for some reason....

Oh yeah and also I know some parts in the first one don't sound quite right, but the lead was 100% improv, so give me a breather if ya would.

EDIT: ALRIGHT THIS IS VERY FRUSTRATING WHEN I MADE THEM INTO MOVIES IT TOOK AWAY ALL THE AUDIO QUALITY THAT MADE IT SOUND SO GOOD DANGIT I SPENT ABOUT AN HOUR TRYING TO FIGURE THIS OUT OH MAN. FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.