Rethink What You Live

No human can be absolutely certain of anything but his or her own existence.
 - A conclusion drawn by John Locke

Take a moment to let that sink in

I Bestow Upon Thee, Ambience

My Coordinates To You


Please do yourself and your sanity a favor and make a "Boards of Canada" Station on Pandora.
Oh yeah and also Shailene Woodley happens to be my new favorite person that I don't know. I mean hey, she's only 22. I've still got a chance.

One Sunday Morning

This song is breathtakingly beautiful
It's also a very heartbreaking song
And it may be the most relevant song I've ever listened to

Please do listen and read along, do not be imitated by the length because it will go by so quickly.

One Sunday Morning

Lyrics: (DONT READ AHEAD)

This is how I'll tell it
Oh, but it's long.
One Sunday Morning
Oh, one son is gone.

Against the weather dawning
Over the sea
My father said what I had become
No one should be.

Outside I look lived in
Like the bones in a shrine
How am I forgiven?
Oh, I'll give it time.

This I learned without warning
Holding my brow
In time we thought I would kill him
Oh, but I didn't know how.

I said it's your God I don't believe in
No, your Bible can't be true
Knocked down by the long lie
He cried I fear what waits for you.

I can hear those bells
Spoken and gone.
I feel relief I feel well
Now he knows he was wrong.

Ring 'em cold for my father
Frozen underground
Jesus I wouldn't bother
He belongs to me now.

Something sad keeps moving
So I wandered around.
I fell in love with the burden
Holding me down.

Bless my mind, I miss
Being told how to live.
What I learned without knowing
How much more I owe than I can give.

This is how I tell it
Oh, but it's long.
One Sunday morning
One son is gone.

Hodag

I really want to discuss this with somebody. I don't recall ever shaking out of fear while reading something, or shuddering and feeling my stomach drop so abruptly before. This is easily the most real and terrifying thing I've ever read. If you are up to it, it's a short story (journal) about discovery, mystery, and determination, but more importantly exploits the mind to extreme fears such as claustrophobia, fear of the dark, fear of the unknown, fear of being alone, fear of being left behind, and others.
I can't recommend this any better than to just say click on the link, do not skim, and once you start reading you'll be hooked by curiosity, mystery, terror, but most importantly realistic interest. This isn't a horror story made up and told by old men, it actually happened.

Ladies and Gentlemen  - Ted the Caver -

(I'd recommend reading this mobile, since the formatting is well, from 2001)

EDIT: Please comment about it if you have finished reading it!

Camp Rewind

Thursday June 26th, 2014
"Today, up in the mountains in Beaver, I traveled back in time a year almost exactly. Between the aspens and the evergreens and the white skies, I returned back in time of my trip to South Dakota. I resumed back in time of driving through the wisp forest listening to Explosions in the Sky's "Take Care, Take Care, Take Care." I resumed back to a time when Bailey Bezzant was a blog with words, and not a face with a voice. I resumed to a time when believing in God was a habit, and living without one was something I hadn't done. Woe unto me because of my powerless wish to resume to that time.
 I feel no different than when I was in South Dakota right now, but the fear of returning home will remind me of everything I did wrong in the past year, because after all, my house is not my home. I don't think I've discovered a home, but the closest thing to it is the white, wisp forest, nostalgia. When I come "home" I hope others will see how I've changed. I hope that I will keep the spirit of South Dakota alive, and right now Beaver is a tangible thing that serves as a wonderful proxy. But I know all too well how easily things like these turn into memories, and then into memories of memories. I lost recognition of myself, and never gained it back. The only place I could turn was into the past."

Anniversary

It's been a year since my first post on this blog.
It's fascinating to think about how things were back then and how far I've come.
It's impossible to remember all of the experiences, but they all amounted to something today.

An excerpt from my first post "Disoriented"

Eventually, a seed was planted without intention or awareness
It wasn't even directed toward me at all
Although the effect distorted my perspective
nothing had changed:
 I still had no sense of direction
 I was still dependent
 I still lacked true happiness
But without my knowing, the journey of self reliance and independence had just begun.

I never could have guessed how right I would be.
It's been an adventure.

Oxymoron

The most truthful quote I've ever heard

"Give somebody a mask and they'll show their true face"
- Oscar Wilde